


oh moon

by sebootyslay



Series: the universe [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, sad drabble, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 10:50:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17558966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebootyslay/pseuds/sebootyslay
Summary: Oh Moon, won’t you shine your light on meA soft glowFull of whisperA touch of gentleAnd take me awayTo a place where calm resides





	oh moon

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning : Implied mentions of suicide

[Sleeping at Last - Moon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6IuAsyxFSs)

“ _Oh Moon, won’t you shine your light on me_  
A soft glow  
Full of whisper  
A touch of gentle  
And take me away  
To a place where calm resides  
and all is well  
No darkness can hide under your glow  
Nothing can harm  
Nothing can hurt  
Where darkness means rest  
Not fear  
Where light means hope  
Not destruction

 _Oh Moon,_  
Why is it  
That only you can understand  
Not all are what it seems  
There is darkness to everybody  
And there is light to fight the shadow

 _Oh Moon,_  
Tell me  
Why does my shadow  
Plague me like a disease?  
Am I not meant to be free?  
Am I not meant for the light?  
I wait for light  
But it seems far away

 _Oh Moon,_  
Thank you  
For ending my plights  
For lending me peace and calm  
I yearn for them  
So I decide to leave all  
So that I can return to you  
Unblemished  
Come take me, dear Moon  
So that I could join you  
To shine a soft light to anyone  
Who’s felt darkness

 _Thank you, oh Moon_  
For now  
I feel calm”

“Perhaps it’s for the best.” Bucky’s eyes trailed to Tony. Brown orbs blinked back at him. “I don’t... I don’t want to harm anyone else anymore.”

“Don’t.”

“I don’t... I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” Bucky’s voice was a soft whisper. Tony held onto his hand, his grip tight as his heart clenches in his chest.

“Bucky, don’t.” Tony shook his head. “Please.”

“Look at the Moon.” Bucky ignored Tony’s tears. He turned his head to face the bright orb in the sky. Tony looked at him. Bucky’s steel blue eyes that lost its glow a long time ago looked ethereal in the moonlight. “Look at it’s glow. It’s never forceful, the moon.”

Tony could only breathe out a ragged breath. He leaned in, resting his forehead against Bucky’s shoulders. His legs were draped around Bucky’s waist, holding him tight. Bucky didn’t hold him back. His free hand was just resting on his thigh, not moving.

“Don’t you feel peaceful, Tony? The light.” Bucky closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. “It’s calming. The moon, he’s never rough. He never hurts.” Bucky’s eyelids droop down. “Would it accept me, Tony?” Bucky shifted to look down, as if expecting an answer from Tony.

“I... I don’t know.” Tony shakily replied.

“I’ve made countless of mistakes. I’ve spilled blood, Tony. These hands were not made to care, they were made to kill.”

“No they aren’t.” Tony shook his head. “They cared for me. They loved me.”

“Yes, they did.” Bucky pulled his hand from Tony’s grip to wrap it around his waist. Bucky gently lifted Tony so that he was sitting on his lap. Tony held him tighter, winding his arms around Bucky’s chest, scared to let go. “They have loved you.”

“I love you.” Tony whispered into Bucky’s shoulders.

“I love you too.” Bucky replied softly. “And please know that, Tony. I want you to remember me that way, as a man who has loved you, and will forever love you.”

Tony didn’t like the sound of that kind of talk. He shook his head.

“Don’t... don’t say things like that. You were always the man who loved me.”

“And I do. Immensely.” Bucky leaned down and placed a kiss on Tony’s forehead. “Infinitely.” His hands stroked Tony’s back up and down, gently pacifying Tony who has started crying. Bucky didn’t say anything. He lets Tony cry on him as he held him. His eyes drifted to the moon, transfixed on its light.

“Don’t leave.” Tony shook his head as he pulled away. His hand crawled up to cup Bucky’s face. He forced Bucky to look down at him. To see the love and sadness in his eyes. “Not tonight.” He said, voice rough from crying. Bucky ran his fingers through Tony’s hair.

“Not tonight.” He promised, and Tony slowly pulled him down to kiss him. Bucky reciprocated. He held Tony close and caressed him with gentle hands. Tony was still crying, and Bucky could taste the tears as it ran down his lover’s face. He kissed Tony’s eyes and his tear stained cheeks. Tony tilted his head so Bucky could kiss his lips again, and the man did.

Bucky slowly got up, lifting Tony with him. He walked back into the room from the balcony with Tony clinging onto him. He bent over the bed and placed his lover softly onto the covers. Tony was still crying, and Bucky lovingly hushed him.

“No need to cry, my love.” He whispered and lifted Tony’s hand. Tony watched through his hiccups and tears at how Bucky gently kissed the inside of his wrist. “I am here now.”

But he wasn’t, the next day.

Steve had held him as they closed the casket. The blond man had every right to be sad for the lost of his best friend, but he stood still and strong as Tony wept. His arms safely encased Tony in its embrace, shielding him from prying eyes.

Steve didn’t say anything, but he was there. When everybody left, he was still there behind Tony. The man was on his knees right beside the grave. Tony felt hot tears gather in his eyes, and used the heel of his hands to press them into his eyes. He doesn’t want to cry.

He doesn’t want to cry.

“It’s not your fault, Tony.” Steve said gently as he knelt beside Tony. “It was never your fault.”

“If I just...” Tony gasped for air. “If I loved him harder, he wouldn’t... he could still be-” his sentence was cut off as he let out a loud sob and fell backwards. Steve caught him and held him close to his chest. He felt his heart shattering at every sob from his friend. He had never seen Tony like this.

“No one could have loved him better than you did.” His own voice was shaking, but he had to tell Tony. “No one could have ever loved him as you did. Not me, not the team. Just you. Only you loved him the way he needs to be loved, Tony.”

“Then why did he...” Tony couldn’t bear to say the words.

“Your love was a gift to him, Tony. And...” Steve let out a sad chuckle. “Bucky doesn’t like gifts. But he loved you. He really does.” Steve closed his eyes, his own sadness making it hard for him to breathe. “He’s free now, Tony. No one can hurt him now.”

“He could have been free. Not like this.” Tony whimpered.

“This was his only way of freedom.” Before Tony could interrupt him, Steve continued. “I’m not saying I approve of what he did... but he didn’t have any other choice and I don’t want to remember him as a desperate and empty man.”

“He told me...” Tony hiccuped. “He told me to remember him... as a man who loved me. He wanted... he wanted me to remember him like that.”

“Then,” Steve blinked his tears away. “Please remember him that way.”

 

 _Oh Moon!_  
Did you take away my only love?  
Tears will no longer bring him back  
But I hope  
That your light will care for him  
As his love had cared for me.  



End file.
